Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[YellowLab]

 

[Max]

Earth rescuers!

 

[emax]

A young man moved to London and went to Harrods to look for a job.

Manager: "Do you have any experience as a salesman?"
Young man: "Sure, where I come from I was always the top salesman!"

The manager found the self-confident young man likeable and hired him. The first day of work was tough, but he mastered it. After closing time, the manager came to him. "How many customers did you have today?"

Young man: "One."
Manager: "Only one? Our salesmen make an average of 20 to 30 sales a day! What was the sales total then?"
Young man: "310'325 pounds and 65 pence."
Manager: "310'325 pounds and 65 pence?! What did you sell?"

So the young sales genius told him what happened: "First, I gave the man a small fishhook, then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him an even hook and finally I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going to go fishing, and he said 'Down the coast'.

So I told him he would need a boat. So we went to the boat department, and I sold him the twin-engine motor yacht Seawind. He doubted that his Honda Civic would be able to pull that boat, so I took him over to the automotive department and sold him this Range Rover Evan with four-wheel drive."

Manager: "Are you saying a man came to you to buy a fishing hook and you sold him several hooks, a new fishing rod, a boat and an SUV?!?"

Then the young salesman corrected his boss: "No, no, he came here and wanted to buy a pack of tampons for his wife, so I said to him, 'Well, since your weekend is ruined anyway, you might as well go fishing .' "

 

[Tazzieman]

That's called thinking outside of the box

 

[DaveB]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUsYXfXt-QI

 

[Tazzieman]

That , or an LDV? Hmmm.

 

[emax]

The giraffe raves about her neck to the rabbit.

Giraffe: "Oh, bunny, if you only knew how great such a long neck is. If I eat delicious leaves, I can enjoy them for a long time on the way to my stomach."

The rabbit shows no emotion.

Giraffe: "Oh, and you can't imagine what it's like when I drink the cool water on hot days. It then runs down my long neck and I can refresh myself for much longer. Yes, such a long neck is simply great!"

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and asks: "Have you ever puked?"

 

[emax]

Little Jane comes into the crowded drugstore, stops at the door and calls out loudly: "Three dozen condoms in different sizes, please."

Everyone freezes.

The druggist is the quickest to catch himself: "Firstly," he says, "you don't scream like that. Secondly, it's not for small children, and thirdly, send your father over to me."

But don't discourage Jane: "Firstly," she replies, "I learned at school that you should speak loudly and clearly. Secondly, it's not FOR little children, it's AGAINST little children. And thirdly, it's none of Dad's business, they're for Mommy, she's flying to Mallorca tomorrow for three weeks!"

 

[Tazzieman]

And thirdly, it's none of Dad's business, they're for Mommy, she's flying to Mallorca tomorrow for three weeks!"

I forwarded that joke to my daughter in law. She is a Grade 1 teacher and her mother (separated from her husband about a year ago) flies to Spain on Tuesday for 2 weeks' holiday

 

[Tazzieman]

Just reading about Australian Rules football legend player/coach Ron Barassi who dies aged 97 a couple of days ago.
A very hard but fair taskmaster. Esepcially hard on the naturally talented players.
""His favourite saying was, 'Don't think you're that talented son. That's come out of the eye of your old man's appendage, the rest you've got to do yourself! "

 

[DaveB]

A guy posted on Facebook about what a great day he had at the beach with his Grenadier.
looks like he has missed this slight variation in trim spacing on his rear window.
i hope he has removed all the interior, written a stern rebuke to the top 17 executives from Ineos and demanded a replacement vehicle.
Some people are just easy pleased I guess.

 

[bigleonski]

A guy posted on Facebook about what a great day he had at the beach with his Grenadier.
looks like he has missed this slight variation in trim spacing on his rear window.
i hope he has removed all the interior, written a stern rebuke to the top 17 executives from Ineos and demanded a replacement vehicle.
Some people are just easy pleased I guess.

View attachment 7827157View attachment 7827160

He’s posted already in what did you do with your g today. @K1LL3M

 

[Tazzieman]

Well it made me chuckle. Well done that man.

Live: Gold Coast man who took pet snake surfing slapped with fine. The latest news with The Loop

This morning's news, as it happens.

www.abc.net.au

 

[Wayneos]

 

[YellowLab]

View attachment 7827197

 

[Arkaig]

 

[DaveB]

This ones always good for a laugh

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWs4WA--eKU

 

[DaveB]

Gotta love British humour.

 

[DaveB]

 

[DaveB]

How sad the world has become when this is a thing.