Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[DaveB]

 

[DaveB]

 

[DaveB]

 

[Wayneos]

View attachment 7827377

You're assuming their gender Dave!

 

[Wayneos]

 

[Tazzieman]

For us older folk, it's all too confusing

 

[Miki]

I went to this Eskimo Restaurant and asked to see the menu.

The waiter said "We don't have a lot of options, so I'll just call them out to you".

"We have whale meat steaks,
we have whale meat curry,
we have whale meat stir-fry
and of course we have the Vera Lynn

I said "What's the Vera Lynn?.

…………………..He said "Whale meat again"…………………

 

[Tazzieman]

I generally try to veer towards the bright side of life
Viva Le Facts!

 

[YellowLab]

 

[emax]

The drugstore owner says to his apprentice: "The real trick to running a successful store is to sell customers more than what they ask for. Let me show you how it works."

A woman enters the store: "Hello, I would like some laundry detergent for curtains."
The drugstore owner puts the detergent and a bottle of window cleaner on the counter and says, "If you take the curtains down to wash anyway, it will be much easier for you to clean the windows."
"That's a really good idea! I'll take both!" the customer replies, pays and leaves.

"That's how you do it," says the drugstore owner to his apprentice, "with the next customer you can show me whether you've been paying attention!"

Another woman enters the store: "Hello, I would like a pack of tampons!"

The apprentice puts the pack of tampons and a bottle of window cleaner on the table. Slightly annoyed, the woman asks: “What should I do with the window cleaner now?”

The apprentice quickly has the answer: "Well, if you can't have sex the next days, then you can at least clean the windows!"

 

[ECrider]

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[ECrider]

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[Tazzieman]

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There are some strong ladies out there.
I reckon my wife could carry me across the threshold, and I'm not the 70lb boy on the Charles Atlas ads.

View: https://youtu.be/PzrggRrH81c?feature=shared

 

[DaveB]

There are some strong ladies out there.
I reckon my wife could carry me across the threshold, and I'm not the 70lb boy on the Charles Atlas ads.

View: https://youtu.be/PzrggRrH81c?feature=shared

Again you bigot
Ladies??
Are they the old fashioned ladies or the new ladies?

 

[Tazzieman]

Again you bigot
Ladies??
Are they the old fashioned ladies or the new ladies?

It is impossible to cancel myself , or my lady wife (womb equipped)
We do not react to modern day nonsense!

 

[DaveB]

It is impossible to cancel myself , or my lady wife (womb equipped)
We do not react to modern day nonsense!

My friend it is also killing me.
I am extremely open minded but dumbarse is dumbarse.
I identify as an aging man with an aging wife with a son, a daughter, two grandsons and a granddaughter.
I have three cats, who, as far as I am aware identify as cats, with their typical disdain for dogs.
I am currently having a single malt scotch, which as far as I am aware doesn't identify as anything, but if it choses to identify as a gin, or blended scotch, I will accept it's choice.

 

[Tazzieman]

You are a mad catwoman!

 

[bigleonski]

At a family bbq I said hello to my cousin’s daughter by name, and she said my name is Tom now. I can accept that, as she has always been very much the tomboy (pardon the pun).
Tom had a daughter when they (is this the right pronoun??) changed name and has had another with her male partner since. Tom yearns to be able to have reassignment surgery.
I don’t pretend to understand the psychology of this, but Tom’s a great person and loving partner and parent, so who am I to judge. And Tom doesn’t stick it in everyone’s face and demands the world to change whether they like it or not. So good on her / him or whatever she wants us to accept her as.

 

[Tazzieman]

At a family bbq I said hello to my cousin’s daughter by name, and she said my name is Tom now. I can accept that, as she has always been very much the tomboy (pardon the pun).
Tom had a daughter when they (is this the right pronoun??) changed name and has had another with her male partner since. Tom yearns to be able to have reassignment surgery.
I don’t pretend to understand the psychology of this, but Tom’s a great person and loving partner and parent, so who am I to judge. And Tom doesn’t stick it in everyone’s face and demands the world to change whether they like it or not. So good on her / him or whatever she wants us to accept her as.

Just nobody get offended when I select the wrong pronoun/christian name.
Or should I have said forename?

 

[bigleonski]

Just nobody get offended when I select the wrong pronoun/christian name.
Or should I have said forename?

Agree - I’m too old to get that shit right.