Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[RY-Journeyman]

I had a quiet game of tennis today. They was no racquet.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

Who won the neck decorating competition? It was a tie.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance… so I pushed her over.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

How do you make holy water? You just boil the hell out of it.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.

 

[Shopkeep]

One of the reasons I enjoy this forum is that the rules we adopted early on included NO politics.
Might I suggest that if you truly need to talk politics, and express opinions based on whatever gauls one on whatever day, then those opinions be expressed in a closed thread, with its own modrator and that access is on an "opt in" basis.
Thank you all for your attention

Denis is right, no more jokes about politics. We should all stick to the acceptable topics of sexism, ageism and racism.

 

[CRH]

How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.

Can't decide what's worse, your dad jokes as a distraction to the politics, or the politics itself
Keep the jokes coming, and stop firing blanks

 

[Max]

Apologies to all the politically corrected.
Just another two dad joke in one sort of.

My latest newborn Grandson is a surrogate baby and what does he, his Mum and Father have in common? A penis.
Just hang on to that thought for a while.

 

[CRH]

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[Tazzieman]

Artificial "intelligence" , you're welcome!

922K views · 13K reactions | I broke ChatGPT | Aaron Goldenberg

I broke ChatGPT.

www.facebook.com

 

[Max]

Reality check...

An 8th standard student was asked to write an essay on "THIEVES".
You might be surprised to read this but shedding some light on it. This is what he wrote:
Thieves are also an important part of a nation's economy. They play a significant role in providing employment and contributing to the nation's development.
Safes, locks, lockers, cupboards, etc., are made only because of thieves. Many factories and workshops involved in making these items provide employment thanks to this profession.
Even in homes, masons and workers get work installing latches, locks, grills on windows and doors.
Then, to protect houses, shops, schools, colleges, offices, and factories, security guards and watchmen are essential.
Companies that manufacture CCTV cameras, metal detectors, and security systems also generate jobs.
Because of thieves, police officers, court staff, judges, lawyers, and others are employed.
Purchases of barricades, weapons, bullets, batons, uniforms, vehicles, and motorcycles for the police help boost the economy.
Thanks to thieves - jails, jailers, and prison staff have jobs.
When items like mobiles, laptops, cars, motorcycles, electrical appliances, purses, or lipsticks are stolen, people have to buy them again, which boosts business.
Famous and notorious thieves often enter politics, where even bigger thefts take place. Much more could be said, but overall, the contribution of thieves to a nation's economy is noteworthy."
The teacher awarded this research-rich essay full marks (100%) and included the student in the merit list.
Perspective Matters?

 

[RY-Journeyman]

You asked. I deliver.

Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy? A Cameron Diaz.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

What do you call a bear with no teeth. A gummy bear.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, The driver just insulted me! The man says, You go right up there and tell him off—go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.