Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[RY-Journeyman]

I had a quiet game of tennis today. They was no racquet.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

Who won the neck decorating competition? It was a tie.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance… so I pushed her over.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

How do you make holy water? You just boil the hell out of it.

 

[RY-Journeyman]

How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.

 

[Shopkeep]

One of the reasons I enjoy this forum is that the rules we adopted early on included NO politics.
Might I suggest that if you truly need to talk politics, and express opinions based on whatever gauls one on whatever day, then those opinions be expressed in a closed thread, with its own modrator and that access is on an "opt in" basis.
Thank you all for your attention

Denis is right, no more jokes about politics. We should all stick to the acceptable topics of sexism, ageism and racism.

 

[CRH]

How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.

Can't decide what's worse, your dad jokes as a distraction to the politics, or the politics itself
Keep the jokes coming, and stop firing blanks

 

[Max]

Apologies to all the politically corrected.
Just another two dad joke in one sort of.

My latest newborn Grandson is a surrogate baby and what does he, his Mum and Father have in common? A penis.
Just hang on to that thought for a while.