Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[DaveB]

 

[DaveB]

Typical Australian warning sign to dumb tourists.

 

[Bobby Mac]

 

[beefs]

The wife and I were out for a lazy Sunday drive the other day and down this remote country lane we saw a sign - "ZOO"

We pulled in, parked up and got out - looking back admiringly at the Grenadier we made our way to the entry gate and bought a ticket.

We went through the gate and were surprised to see this zoo only had one animal, a small dog.

It was a Shitzu.

 

[Tazzieman]

 

[Max]

 

[Bobby Mac]

 

[Max]

* The Dinosaur tickled me but there is one for all here... even the unemployed


*Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most...live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni

* Regular naps prevent old age, especially, if you take them while driving. ~Author Unknown* Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.


* Don’t spell part, backwards. It’s a trap.
* Why do bees hum? Because they can’t remember the lyrics
* At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they’re usually married to each other.
* Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

* What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
* My girlfriend left me for religious reasons. She worshipped money and I don’t have any.
* What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? A: No eye deer.

* Don’t make jokes about unemployed people. They don’t work.

* Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs!

 

[Tazzieman]

We had a dead tree cut down today. Irish guys, nice chaps. Tree fellers , but they only sent two!

 

[Mike Morrison]

 

[DaveB]

 

[DaveB]

I made my wife smile and chuckle so...............

I have been away on a business trip and my wife has been struggling with massive hair loss for the last two weeks.
She messaged me that she had decided to go to the hairdresser at 4pm yesterday to get it shaved off.
At 3:30pm I went to the barber and so when she sent me her picture I replied with a couple of my own.
Made her laugh and then she called me a bald idiot.
It's the little things in life that make the difference.

 

[Tazzieman]

Bald idiot is on par with feckin eejit , which is what Lisa Hogan calls Jeremy!
Term of endearment

 

[CRH]

Bald idiot is on par with feckin eejit , which is what Lisa Hogan calls Jeremy!
Term of endearment

I thought it meant your other half is a tw#t, when said by a woman, if it's the other way round, then it’s a term of endearment.

 

[Tazzieman]

 

[ECrider]

.

 

[Logsplitter]

.

I’d go and see a doctor mate

 

[CRH]

.

So true

 

[Eric]

I’d go and see a doctor mate

And the doctor's response " well what do you expect at your age ".

 

[ECrider]

I’d go and see a doctor mate

I phone up at 7.59 every morning and by 8.01am the slots are all taken......!