Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[Tazzieman]

Someone’s been reading their Heidegger…

Not sure if I should stay on the phone , check my altitude or look for a haystack first?
Death seems so...final?

 

[globalgregors]

Not sure if I should stay on the phone , check my altitude or look for a haystack first?
Death seems so...final?

Go read the footwell thread again, it’ll make it easier…

 

[Tazzieman]

I'm going through my long list of what ifs? You never know what could happen when adventuring.

Q: what to do if being swallowed by a boa constrictor

A: Boa constrictors are powerful snakes that can be dangerous to humans, but it is extremely rare for them to attack humans. However, if you do find yourself being swallowed by a boa constrictor, here are some steps you can take:

1. Stay calm: Panic will only make the situation worse. Try to stay as calm as possible and focus on finding a way out.
2. Look for the snake's head: The boa constrictor's head is the part of its body with the jaws and teeth. If you can locate the head, you may be able to pry open the jaws and escape.
3. Fight back: If you are unable to locate the head or pry open the jaws, you may need to fight back. Use whatever you have at your disposal, such as a sharp object or your fists, to strike the snake's head or eyes. This may cause the snake to release you.
4. Seek medical attention: Even if you are able to escape the snake, it is important to seek medical attention immediately. Boa constrictors have powerful muscles that can cause serious injuries and internal damage.

 

[DaveB]

All this robot talk. Thought I'd have a go.

Q "what to do if parachute doesn't open?"

Ans: If you are skydiving and your parachute doesn't open, the first and most important thing to do is to remain calm. Panic will only make the situation worse and reduce your chances of survival.
Here are the steps to take if your parachute doesn't open:

1. Assess your altitude: Quickly check your altimeter to determine how much time you have before impact.
2. Try to deploy the reserve chute: If you have a reserve parachute, attempt to deploy it immediately. Pull the reserve handle firmly and quickly with both hands, as this will help to release the chute. Be aware that the reserve chute may also malfunction, and you should be prepared for this possibility.
3. Control your body position: Keep your body upright and your legs together to reduce your speed and increase your chances of survival. Spread your arms and legs out like a flying squirrel to try to slow your fall.
4. Look for a soft landing spot: Look for any available soft landing spot, such as a tree, a haystack, or a body of water. Aim for the spot and try to slow down your speed as much as possible.
5. Prepare for impact: As you approach the ground, brace yourself for impact by bending your knees, crossing your arms over your chest, and tucking in your chin.

Too much waffle and jibberjabber.
The Australian anser would have been short and sweet

"your fucked mate"

 

[klarie]

Too much waffle and jibberjabber.
The Australian anser would have been short and sweet

"your fucked mate"

Death Wish 2 - You believe in Jesus.. Well You gonna meet him.

 

[Max]

My ancestors are Irish and this makes perfectly good sense.

 

[bemax]

Go read the footwell thread again, it’ll make it easier…

You made my day

 

[Stu_Barnes]

Sorry if you’re a member of the site. But you’ll have a Grenadier soon.

 

[Stu_Barnes]

Update!

The wife couldn’t stand him either, she’s enjoying the Grenadier in the wild and writing her first novel “how to get away with murder”

 

[Norville]

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[Aurans]

North American Dealer Network Leak!!

 

[Max]

I am sorry to say, too long between chuckles...

 

[Arkaig]

 

[CountyV8]

Too much waffle and jibberjabber.
The Australian anser would have been short and sweet

"your fucked mate"

Cross your legs with the right overt the left then mount your toes as its easier to screw you out with a left hand thread .
My friend Mark is blind and a keen sky diver I asked him how do you know when to pull the ripcord.
Oh when the lead goes slack he said.

 

[Tazzieman]

Shouldn't laugh , my 96 yo dad has one!

 

[Davman]

If your Dads piss looks that colour, then perhaps he better get a checkup.

 

[Tazzieman]

If your Dads piss looks that colour, then perhaps he better get a checkup.

He hasn't got many miles left. Any piss is a sign of life.

 

[Max]

...all in fun Enzo

 

[DenisM]

...all in fun Enzo

Only if the vehicle "lightning fast"

 

[Arkaig]