Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[DaveB]

View attachment 7795801
If you've never seen the Holy Grail this won't make any sense

The black knight

 

[Arkaig]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

 

[DaveB]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

I told a blonde joke at a party recently and this "blonde" woman got upset and told me off.
I had to explain to her that you can't take offense to a blonde joke if you are really a brunette and have just dyed your hair.
She had regrowth stripe down the centre

 

[ECrider]

Got woken up by a cheeky blowjob this morning........












that'll teach me to fall asleep on the train with my mouth open!

 

[Spjnr]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.

His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb, and for good reason - It was assumed that if Guido would hear nothing, he would never be called to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer,
"Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back,
"I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather,
"He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head, and says,
"Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido,
"He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs,
"OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer,
"What did he say?"

The lawyer replies,
"He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"

 

[DaveB]

Got woken up by a cheeky blowjob this morning........












that'll teach me to fall asleep on the train with my mouth open!

That is officially (whatever that mean) one of the best short jokes I have ever heard
Do I have your permission to use it on my upcoming 60th birthday celebrations?

 

[ECrider]

That is officially (whatever that mean) one of the best short jokes I have ever heard
Do I have your permission to use it on my upcoming 60th birthday celebrations?

you betcha DaveB

 

[DaveB]

Just posted it on Facebook, my wife, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and older relatives have either just laughed or put their hands over their mouths.

 

[ECrider]

Just posted it on Facebook, my wife, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and older relatives have either just laughed or put their hands over their mouths.

when I tell it there's definitely a delayed reaction from most while the penny drops

 

[DaveB]

 

[DaveB]

 

[Tazzieman]

The Doodle Diver

The Single Doodle Diver Every fisherman needs a doodle diver in their tackle box. Trust us these things bring goodluck to the worst fisherman out there. Believe it or not but these 14cm fishing lures do catch fish. With the crankbait style bib these lures dive between 2-3m. The unique modelling...

aussieoutbackstore.com.au

 

[Arkaig]

View attachment WhatsApp Video 2022-10-29 at 20.14.32.mp4

 

[DCPU]

If anyone needs something to read whilst waiting for CAD-IT to go live, after many years spannering on old Landrovers, I can recommend this:

 

[Tazzieman]

If anyone needs something to read whilst waiting for CAD-IT to go live, after many years spannering on old Landrovers, I can recommend this:

View attachment 7796040

I have that laminated and leave it on the back seat of my classics when I go to classic car events.

 

[Arkaig]

 

[Arkaig]

 

[Max]

The future is here...happy motoring

 

[Krabby]

I work in an American high school. That is so accurate, it’s scary.

 

[Tazzieman]

The future is here...happy motoring

I cannot understand her. It make less sense than this